Signs of God's Love
Since December I have been struggling with an increase in Tinnitus in one hear to now two hears and with a horrendous loudness only experienced after the Booster, December 2021. There have been many good days when it is much lower or almost gone, but because I developed Hyperacusis in December, my ears are easily aggravated from what I will call, an "easy to live with noise" to one that makes me cry. It makes you feel out of control of your life.
I write this because all suffering is part of living the spiritual life. The Eucharist matters in how we deal with our suffering because the Eucharist is "God with us" and hence being in the presence of the Blessed Sacrament is the way to consolation and growth in virtue during suffering.
I want to get over the Hyperacusis because if affects things I can do at work, places I can go, and how I communicate with people.
Although, I received an Anointing of the Sick the middle of February, and I received a great deal of graces to help me with my ear conditions, I had been looking forward to the healing service I had attended last night through the Encounter healing ministry held last night at St. Joseph's parish in Shawnee, Kansas.
This post is more about the signs of God is with me beyond the times I can be with Him in Communion and at Adoration.
I intently tried to recollect and prepare my heart for the healing service. I went to Confession, I gave alms, I prayed, and I saw signs, and read message throughout the week that increased my faith of a healing from the Hyperacusis. One message is below. I know and understand that a healing happens when God says it is the right time and the best thing for your soul at that time.
The scripture readings for the last month have been many of Jesus healing the sick and how the Pharisees used this against him to have a reason to arrest him. For many months I have been reading the stories of the journeys of Jesus through the Holy Land from the visions of Venerable Anne Catherine Emmerich. Jesus healed thousands who were waiting on the side of the road through the many towns he visited. My Guardian Angel and I have been waiting on the road for my healing. I believe that since Jesus healed thousands of people while he was on the earth, people he didn't even have a relationship with, that it might be his Father's will to heal me, too. I was feeling that the healing service could be the road I was supposed to be on when Jesus reached out to heal me.
I saw the the Audiologist who has expertise in Hyperacusis on Friday and she talked me through how fear of noises and what is realistic in that area and how stress affects your healing, and how the brain and ear biology work together. When I was at Adoration, yesterday, before the healing service I flipped open to "Practicing the Guidance of God" by Rev. Harold, J. Wickey, 1997. In one of his essays he refers to fear and healing, "All healing is essentially and release from fear and disorder." It is disorder from a fallen world and it is a disorder in the wiring of my brain. The treatment for Hyperacusis is helping to re-wire the brain to hear sounds at their normal level. Right now, they are heightened, mostly because I wore ear plugs when I should have had a hearing aid instead. After I get over the Hyperacusis, Dr. Flowers said that may be the next step.
Fr. Wickey writes, "The goal of mental and physical healing is wholeness of mind and body...The grace of My Spirit (God), can and will correct health problems. You must however, cooperate." He writes to not be negative about our suffering and to put positive actions in their place, (page 304). Last night, as I waited outside for the praise and worship music to end, I was waiting with an Encounter minister, I think her name was Kayla. She teaches Math at Bishop Miege High School. She told me what Father writes in his book; "A healthy mind and body are your birthright." I was also concerned that if I was healed it would affect this suffering that I had been offering up to God to help make reparation for my father who is in Purgatory and for his release. She assured me that God does not want me to suffer and that there are little everyday things I can offer up for my father.
The young man who spoke at the service explained away the lies we tell ourselves about being healed. We tell ourselves that someone else has a worse problem, that they deserve it more than us. But in truth, God doesn't pick and choose based on the condition. He explained how God's kingdom is here and participating in a healing ministry and expecting healing helps to manifest God's Kingdom in this world.
As I wrote, above, I visited Jesus in the St. Joseph adoration chapel before the service. As another adorer left, he handed me the attached note. Wow, it sounded to me like what I read from St. Faustina that she heard from Jesus about her. Has he been reading her Diary? I am no way near holy as St. Faustina. But, the note lifted my faith even more and when it was time to go next door to the service I said to myself, "Okay, time to go get healed."
During the night I woke up and the Tinnitus was still really low even having been around the loud speakers and clapping at the service. I was very joyous and just waiting to go to work so I could test the Hyperacusis. At the service they said one may need to test whether or not they received a healing. How people's voices and my own voice will sound will test a healing for the Hyperacusis. I knew, too, that I had experienced over the years a lull in sound after being around loud noises and that it can be the next day before the repercussions of loud sound manifests into Tinnitus. I was feeling like my left ear was getting less sensitive during the service. I did not feel like the sound was cutting into my inner ear as is normal. Many people last night were healed and went up and explained their healings, but I knew I had to wait and test how I react to sounds.
Then, after going back to sleep I woke up this morning to screaming high pitched sounds in my ears. So, the Tinnitus is not healed, yet. I have often told my friend Maureen that I just have to be patient. This this morning on SpiritDaily.com an affirming consolation is present:
"Like Martha, (John 11:1-45), "I have come to believe. To come to God to ask for the victory..."
When I woke up last night I listened to Mike Scherschligt's School of Faith rosary and he told the story of one of the early Martyrs who spoke up to who Jesus was and many people were converted. I dreamed of a miracle for my ear condition so I have a reason to tell others, a story to tell, so I can then tell them about Jesus or ask them who do they say that Jesus is? Even without a spontaneous healing, I think I may have found a question I can start asking randomly, "Who do you say that Jesus is?" Isn't our healings from sufferings for the glory of God anyway! The times are chaotic we can't wait for healings we have to talk about Jesus, now, is what Mike Scherschligt directs. It is how we can glorify God even without a cure.
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